-~ by Brett Curtis Weber, Ph.D.
-Dictionary.com : 4 entries for "catholic."

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Part I: The Healing Spirit of Faith, Creativity & Companionship

I have always admired Leonardo da Vinci. He experimented in both art and science, and experienced his share of both success and failure. I admire that attitude to be unafraid, to pursue truth, to have faith in your observations, and to continue onward no matter what obstacles present themselves. In that way, I have always hoped to emulate Leonardo. Not only by doing both art and science, but by pursuing each without fear in an effort to do some good.

As a scientist, I have been interested in how the brain processes visual information. I have also studied nerve regeneration. Ironically, the week before completing my Ph.D. in Neuroscience at Temple University in Philadelphia , I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS), a defining moment in my life. MS is a degenerative neurological disease that damages the central nervous system. It is not contagious and not often directly fatal, but it is unpredictable. Symptoms caused by MS vary in severity and duration and may range from blurred vision and numbness to blindness and complete paralysis. Although my disease has not significantly affected my vision, I do have partial paralysis in my legs, difficulty standing and must use a wheelchair. The cause of MS is not yet understood and the form of the disease that I have has no proven effective treatment. Approximately 6-10% of people with MS appear to have a form that is progressive from onset, but also characterized by acute attacks—my attacks have always correlated with periods of emotional stress. As of writing this article, there is no proven effective treatment for my form of MS.--
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Leonardo da Vinci's Flying Machine

Study of the
construction and
control of a wing
1490
Pen and ink

Since my diagnosis, I have devoted myself towards understanding this disease through scientific research, but also through my art. I hope that my paintings may bring greater public awareness to primary progressive MS (& progressive-relapsing MS) and encourage broader scientific research in this area. MS can be devastating to those who are afflicted with it and to their families, but like any major life-changing event chronic illness can also bring new values, new appreciations, and new colors and textures into one's life.

There is a sharp distinction between art and science, and studying a disease through art is not the same as studying it through science. My art is about my own emotional, intellectual, and spiritual journey, and within that context MS plays a significant role. When I paint, I feel as though I am on a journey of discovery. I allow myself to think about problems in a different way. I hear the words of great people and imagine the journeys they have taken as I navigate my own course through an expression of color and texture. My paintings tell me about my journeys. They are a record of where I have been. And, they express the artistic side of myself.

Dissimilar as we may be, both artists and scientists are creatures of observation. What some overlook, we take joy in discovering. Things perhaps not clearly understood, but things we believe to be real and open to interpretation. We are in constant struggle to describe what we observe. And, even after we convince ourselves and others that we have seen some truth and made sense of it, there is always some doubt. For the artist and scientist both recognize how imperfect our human capacity is as we search for moments of understanding in a sea of complexity.

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Hurricane Isabel - September 12, 2003,
Isabel means "concecrated to God"

3 days before my own consecration to Christ and entrustment to Our Lady of Sorrows at The Cathedral Church of Saint Catharine of Siena (September 15, 2003).
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--"Prediction is difficult, especially the future."

- Niels Bohr

"The science of chaos is forcing scientists to rethink Einstein's fundamental assumptions regarding the way the universe behaves. Chaos theory has already shown that simple systems, obeying precise laws, can nevertheless act in a random manner. Perhaps God plays dice within a cosmic game of complete law and order." If you would like to learn more about Chaos Theory, you might enjoy the book "Does God Play Dice: The New Mathematics of Chaos" by Ian Stewart and/or The Essence of Chaos by one of the "discoverers" of chaos Edward Lorenz.

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Here's a fun example. Click in the window (left) to start a particle in motion around two strange attractors. Click again near to where you clicked the first time. You should see a new particle following the first very closely for a while, but as time goes on the small difference between the paths of the particles increases until they are following completely non-related paths. The Lorenz butterfly illustrates the concept of "sensitive dependence upon initial conditions." The small difference in initial conditions ultimately has a large impact on the paths of each particle. The Lorenz butterfly may be used as an analogy to multiple sclerosis..What makes multiple sclerosis so unpredictable? Does God play dice with multiple sclerosis?

There are a wide range of physical symptoms that may come and go unpredictably over time with MS. The disease causes damage within the central nervous system along nerve pathways affecting movement, speech, vision, hearing, and bladder & bowel control. What is not commonly recognized is that the disease can also directly interfere with a person's ability to think clearly. Damage within the brain can create changes that affect problem-solving, attention, learning and memory. I believe that just as physical therapy can help people with MS maintain as much physical ability as possible, mental therapies that encourage problem-solving, attention, learning and memory skills may help people with MS maintain as much cognitive ability as possible. Strategies such as nurturing a prayer life within a community, art therapy, music, and other positive challenging creative outlets may help maintain and improve partially impaired cognitive pathways within the brain, and may enhance an individual's self-worth and natural coping skills against depression and perhaps fatigue.

Regardless of what type of MS a person has, some common emotional reactions are likely to appear. A sense of disbelief, anger, depression, guilt, fear, a driving desire to regain control over one's life--all of these negative feelings contribute to an intense chronically active stress within the person. Of course, stress is an entirely understandable response to MS (and chronic illness in general). A diagnosis of MS implies a lifelong condition, progressive physical disability, emotional conflict and lasting adjustments. Stress is a normal reaction to MS and should be expected. Finding a positive stress-relieving escape from the disease can be extremely helpful.

My artwork is about bringing unity to myself. It is about listening to instead of shouting at reality. It is also about triggering my mind’s unconscious thought processes toward healing, by paying attention to and making sense of the normally silent, repressed and oftentimes distant elements within myself. Painting (and virtually any work that we approach with the correct mindset) can be a form of prayer. An enjoyable moment. A gift from God.

Several years ago a friend of mine referred to a painting that I had just finished as being "either a complete abstraction or a landscape, but either way poetry." I was amused by my friend's comment, and although I have never painted poetry, I do feel that my paintings convey a certain beauty, mystery and brevity. That friend convinced me to exhibit my artwork professionally, if nothing else, to raise public support and awareness for MS and my rare form of the disease.

My paintings are abstractions. I do not intend to paint representational images. From time to time they may appear to be something recognizable, and then I may give them the obvious or not so obvious name, but I never intend to paint anything representational. All the same, because I do name my paintings (other artists often leave their abstract art untitled), I do believe that I eventually come to recognize after some reflection what my paintings represent. The entire process of creating and then naming my paintings provides me with a very satisfying physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual release. What's more, because I approach my artwork with no expectations of good or bad, right or wrong, correct or incorrect, much as a young child first approaches art, I experience very little of the stress and anxiety that is often associated with the creative process. What will people think of my creative work? A question that once caused me anxiety (example my Ph.D. defense), has become much less important in view of my illness. I create artwork for my own enjoyment now, and to my own personal satisfaction.

For instance, I have come to understand my painting “Rainforest” (left) as the act of global deforestation—the cutting, burning, and irretrievable extinction of our planet’s most valuable resource: biological diversity. We are losing at an unprecedented pace medicinal plants, insects, and other species that might hold the cures for diseases like MS. As a scientist who has a disease with no cure, this issue is especially close to me. I see the deforestation of the world's rainforests (and loss of biological diversity) as the single most important environmental issue of our time, and I feel symbolically linked to global deforestation and the burning rainforests with every passing day through the demyelination of nerve cells that is continuing unabated within my own body—someone should listen.

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"Rainforest" broken art

“I would rather live in a world where my life is surrounded by mystery than live in a world so small that my mind could comprehend it.”
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- Harry E. Fosdick (1878 - 1969)

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Last weekend the Shuttlecraft Columbia exploded. I was also having an attack from my MS and accidentally smashed our toilet tank while trying to transfer myself from my wheelchair. I was feeling bad physically and saddened by the loss of Columbia and those seven astronauts.

The week before my dear aunt Shirley sent me a book called Bel Canto by Ann Patchett. To quote from the book “What begins as a panicked, life-threatening scenario slowly evolves into something quite different, a moment of great beauty, as terrorists and hostages forge unexpected bonds and people from different continents become compatriots. Friendship, compassion, and a chance for great love lead the characters to forget the real danger that has been set in motion . . . and cannot be stopped.”

Since September 11, 2001 and my debut as an artist in New York City that December, I have come to see myself as a hostage and my MS as a terrorist--a foreign aggressor within my body whose intent is to inflict great suffering on me and my loved ones through random, ongoing, unstoppable acts of unprovoked violence. But, this terrorist has no other cause, and is non-negotiable.

The above description from the book Bel Canto captures the emotional sentiment which I have experienced towards my enemy (MS) as well as my friends. Serving people who are also held hostage by MS (or some other illness) and allowing them to help me has gradually come from my appreciation that although my encounter with my enemy has certainly not been positive, it has also not been entirely negative either. The courage to form bonds in creative expression, spirituality, and/or simply companionship is seeing the love, courage and beauty that ultimately come to pass during a devastating event--such as the devastation that touched the world on September 11, 2001 and the shuttle disaster last weekend.

There is a healing spirit that arises within people during times of disaster when strangers who may momentarily panic, flee or fall into despair--grow closer as companions, find there common faith and act with creative boldness. So it has been with my illness, friends and family.

This Holiday Season a friend of mine was asked by her seven-year-old disabled son Aron, "Mom, tell me the truth, why am I in a wheelchair? Why am I the one who has to be in a chair and not walk?" She explained to him "I told you the truth, you have Cerebral Palsy (CP) and that part of your body was the most affected." He nodded, "I know that part, but tell me the truth. Why is it me?"

When she asked what I would say to him hinting for some creative boldness, I did not know, but I told her some words that this thirty-three year old man repeats to himself everyday--that I am a soldier, that I am on a mission, that my mission is to NOT be afraid, to not be angry. I have those orders from my superior officer, my faith and close companions who tell me regularly that I have been given all that I need. War is tough! The mission does not seem possible at times, but I am a soldier and I will not let my commander and my fellow soldiers down who fight along side of me.

What we all must remember daily is that we are not alone, and that we have won many battles together. We can expect to win the War. No, doubt! No, fear. It is true that some people live easier lives than we. And, some live more difficult lives. And not everyone will see every enemy that we face on any given day. But, we must be soldiers. We must fight the enemy for them. It is an honor to fight like a soldier. Not everyone is a soldier. And, not everyone sees the enemy. But we see the enemy, we have our orders, and we must not be afraid.

I enjoy visiting the Vietnam Veterans' Monument and the Korean War Memorial in Pittsburgh , Pennsylvania along the North Shore Allegheny River Walk. I have never actually been a soldier, but the wind chimes and reverence of those two places speak to me. I feel as though someone understands me. To fight for a cause, not one that you have chosen, but one that has chosen you.

At our former home near Philadelphia we lived close to a pavilion where a group of veterans who fought in various wars were enjoying some music and a violent summertime storm after placing some 58,168 small American flags side by side in a soccer field commemorating each person who died in the Vietnam War with a smaller circle of flowers remembering the victims of September 11, 2001. The warrior’s path to peace, I only intruded because I was on my scooter without an umbrella in a downpour. When I arrived under the pavilion soaking wet with my German Shepherd Service Dog “Sophia ” I was immediately offered a cigarette and a towel. "No thank you, I don't smoke!" It took me a few minutes drying off while bantering back and forth about a few lightning flashes some shared comradely about my dog, the Jimi Hendrix music and a wickedly powerful thunder bolt before it dawned on me that everyone under the pavilion thought that I was just another veteran. The way they were talking to me, as though I had known them my entire life. It was a good feeling, and I was relieved that no one asked me how I came to be in a scooter or what war I served in. At the time I felt that my answer of MS would have disappointed them, but now I think otherwise. These guys understood war and irony, but those were topics for some other time. This day was about companionship and planting flags in the ground during a marvelous summer storm.

Dr. Weber & Sophia. A Dog's Tale

PLAY THUNDER!

The healing spirit that takes place from sharing meaningful relationships, renewed faith and bold creativity provide us with opportunities to heal ourselves and others from scares of war. In the drawing at the top of this page, Leonardo da Vinci executes a masterful diagram with an engineer's precision of his legendary flying machine. Unfortunately, many people with MS lose their ability to do the very fine hand-eye coordination required in representational art and may stop doing art in frustration, but abstract art does not place as high a barrier to disabled people with limited hand-eye motor control and provides the same therapeutic benefits. Leonardo da Vinci once referred to art as being "the Queen of all sciences." --a Queen who offers not simply an alternative approach to obtaining knowledge, but also a way of sharing that knowledge with the world. Although MS has affected my hands to some degree, I choose to do abstract art not because of my reduced dexterity, but because abstraction is the only style of art that can be executed without planned intent, and therefore a way for me to dream. To me, my artwork is always about living with MS, but it has another purpose as well—a warning to whomever understands it.

That there has never been an enemy who has touched more people and that there will never be an enemy who will take more lives. Since the dawn of human civilization we have waged war against this enemy through our shaman, witchdoctors and now scientists. As fellow passengers on planet Earth, we must recognize our common natural enemy as disease—human illness. Our scientists must be our frontline soldiers, and they must wage a different kind of war for us in this new millennium. We must embrace our differences and see diversity as our greatest strength, not weakness. The wisdom of the rainforest is one of diversity, evolution and survival. Pray that future wars are waged against our common enemy human illness, not our neighbors who define art, science or God as being something different from our own immediate and limited understanding. So, make peace with your brothers and sisters. If there is one Holy War on Earth, this must be it.

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FIGHT Multiple Sclerosis! Walk, ride & pray for the cure!
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Continue "The Healing Spirit"

1-800-Fight MS (1-800-344-4867)

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